The other day I wrote of how the wind rattling my window blinds and the rays of dawn reminded me of early morning phone calls from my mom. And how I missed those calls so much and how I so missed her.
But really many, many moments on any random day do that. Any grieving daughter or son, or parent or sibling, or wife or husband, or partner, or friend or loved one will tell you that.
Yet for some reason no one talks of grief. We are all scared to talk of grief, we don’t know what to say, don’t want to be dragged down and indeed grief is a downer. We tell grievers to move on, to get past it, to let go. I’ve said a version of those words to a grieving person, you’ve said them, we all have. Grief is hard. But the appropriate things to say or not say to a griever is a whole other blog, indeed a whole other book.
I think what’s even worse than misspoken words is ignoring and trivializing grief. Ignoring the grieving especially now in the midst of a pandemic when so many people have lost loved ones, are losing loved ones everyday.
Those lost were/are mothers, fathers, grandparents, children, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors to people all around us. People we know, people we see everyday and say nothing of their grief to. As if it never happened. As if they may have dreamt it. Let’s stop for a moment and recognize that. Let’s just pause. Pause and see their grief. See it. The grief of those who lost a loved one to Covid during lockdown, grief of those who lost a loved one and were not able to go see them or go to their funeral, the grief of those separated from their families, the grief of those grieving alone.
I started this blog writing about my mom but it took me somewhere else as writing sometimes does. I sure do hope that maybe now, as the cacophony of the political landscape slowly ebbs away (perhaps only biefly), we’ll recognize not only the grief of those around us but also our collective grief.
For what it’s worth, if you or anyone you know has recently lost a loved one, my grieving heart sees your grieving heart. I see your grief.