How many times have I said to a grieving family “thoughts and prayers..”, “RIP”, “My sincere condolences”

And I meant it. I empathized. But I realize now that I truly knew nothing of grief. There’s no grief like when death touches your family. Death has passed our way before..twenty years ago when our brother died. And yet..this grief, the grieving of a mother is like no other.

I am not the same person, I never will be the same person I was before the night of May 22 when mom passed away too soon. Too unexpectedly.

I miss mom so terribly. I’d give anything to go back to that time..before.. when ignorance was bliss. I wish I could time travel backwards and linger on that last phone call. Travel backwards to before and stay there..oblivious of what after looks like. Oblivious of now.

I wish mom was here, her presence strengthened me. I knew everything would be okay. Who will tell me everything will be okay now?