Sleep right now is as elusive as it has ever been. That’s probably not true but it sure feels that way right now.

I was up most of last night and the night before with short spells of intermittent sleep with very vivid disturbing dreams. Towards morning today, I felt my body ease into a more relaxed state and sleep beckoning to me. I was like WTF? It’s time to get up. I don’t understand this.

Right now, it’s after 1 am. I’m a little more hopeful about sleep. I took a long walk during the day and came home and kept busy till 9pm with chores. But mostly, I am more relaxed. It’s still my weekend and I don’t have to be back to work till Tuesday.

I’ve noticed during the week, I am so tense. In the night, I will literally find my hands curled up into fists, my knees pulled up to my tummy. So tense that I have to tell myself to relax. The vicious cycle of struggling to sleep, worried about not sleeping, worried about how tired I’ll be at work is simply exhausting and just enforces the cycle. It’s terrible really.

But tomorrow, I can sleep in so I’m not as worried and I’m less tense. I’m hoping this works in my favor tonight. I’ll report back.